Before a couple gets married, they ought to have a good idea that they can work through issues and problems together. It is SO easy to get wrapped up in the fun and festivities of planning a wedding and ignore the issues and problems. You can’t forget what getting married really means: you are going to spend the rest of your lives together! Therefore last night Jon and I went to a relationship counselor, because all this wedding talk has reminded us that we want to get along better so that “the rest of our lives” together can be better. (Photo Credit: Michelle Bachman)The counselor we were going to see was a male, and so therefore I was expecting to spend an hour with Dr. Frasier Crane, of “Cheers” and “Frasier” fame.
Frasier is the one in the middle (Wikipedia.com)
The entire ride to his office I kept thinking that no matter what he looked like, he was going to remind me of Frasier; be he bald, tall, short, round, skinny... I thought up some pretty hilarious fake older men on that ride. Ahh, the things the brain does when you are a bit nervous.
As it turns out, the second we started talking all TV and movie thoughts left my head. This guy was going to help us work through communication problems and underlying issues in our relationship. I knew I liked him when he mentioned that often, one or the other partner will keep pursuing an issue and the other will put up a wall (that would be my forte), so the issue often goes unresolved. That issue doesn’t go away, however.
He told us to imagine that our brains are like a doll houses, and every time an issue gets dropped it gets shoved into one of the little rooms in our head. There may be several rooms, but eventually, if you have so many issues locked away, at some point there won’t be an open room to shove the issue in. And then it will blow up, in your face, hard.
His goal, as he explained it, was to help us open those rooms, and resolve the issues in a safe environment. It will need to be us doing the work, he can’t solve the problems for us. But he can give us better ways to talk about them and work through them. Has anyone else been to a therapist and found them helpful at unlocking doors or doing something else?
2 comments:
The internet is a small planet. I was perusing the offbeat bride blog and was feeling clicky(and bored) and clicked your link and saw a person that looked like someone I know. HI JON! Congrats you two! I love the underwater picture. It has been a long time since I have seen you(98'?), though I am pretty sure I added you with the rest of the bulk on facebook or something. Anyway relevant to your topic, I recently wrote about my husband supporting me, and I him in our adventure through life. It is cliche, but little things mean so much... not giant presents on holidays but when he calls to get a babysitter so I can have a couple hours to meet with a photographer for my jewelry at a coffeeshop... I fall in love all over again!
Best wishes,
Jen Chernoff(formerly Carstens)
Hey Jen! Great to hear from you! Your jewelry is awesome. You are so right, it is the small things that matter!
Jon
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